Instinct
by kasey8473
Summary: Midsommar: Pelle wants to comfort Dani in her grief for her family and is unable.


Title: Instinct  
Summary: Pelle wants to comfort Dani in her grief for her family and is unable.  
Rating: T

* * *

It was Pelle's natural instinct to comfort in grief. So it was a surprise to have his genuine question as to whether he, Mark, and Josh would be accompanying Christian to Dani's apartment met with a laugh.

Mark scrunched up his features in an expression of disgust. "No. Watching a girl cry? No, thank you."

Josh looked away and shook his head. "I don't know her that well."

Neither did Pelle, but he wanted to comfort her. Dani had always been nice and polite, reminding him of the girls in his village. Losing her family would be hard for her. He looked at Christian. "Christian?"

"It's my…my responsibility," he mumbled, putting on his coat and walking away.

The urge to at least see Dani and ask what he could do for her wouldn't leave him. If he were home, there'd be no question of his actions. But here things were different. America was different. There were social norms that didn't seem right to him, sometimes confusing things.

The first time her went to see her was only a day or two after the news. Christian opened her door and told him, "No time to chat with you, man. She's sleeping and I've got to be here."

She was _not_ sleeping. He could hear her crying, great sobs that he knew were from the deepest part of her. He knew because he'd felt them a long time ago himself. Pelle understood that kind of grief.

The door closed before he could respond.

In this country, there were visitations and funerals, where friends and family would gather together. Surely there'd be one, he thought. He'd go to that and express sympathy there, perhaps comforting her a bit. Though he looked every day, there was no information to be found and out of frustration, Pelle asked Christian about it before class started.

"There's no funeral," Christian replied. "They were cremated this morning. Life insurance barely covered the expense and you wouldn't believe the hoops they made her jump through to get it either."

Hoops? Whatever, it obviously meant more hardship for her. The sadness he felt for her was growing. No funeral meant no one to comfort her. Christian had been turning away everyone, both phone calls and personal visits, isolating her in the name of good intentions. In Pelle's opinion, it was doing more harm than good. "I could bring her some food after class," he suggested. The bringing of food was a traditional funeral custom here. If nothing else, he could do that. "Perhaps sit with her?" After all, he knew Christian wanted to have time away from her grief.

An odd look was shot his way, amusement and surprise. "Like a casserole or something? No. Geez. I left her takeout menus and some cash. She'll eat when she's hungry."

"Are you sure of that?"

Christian stared at him, then nodded. "Yeah. I know Dani, okay. She'll eat."

Pelle dropped the subject, but it seemed to him that Christian was wrong. He'd observed previously that whenever Dani had trouble with her sister, she'd lost her appetite until it was resolved. He thought she'd likely lost weight.

The second time he decided to see her, Dani opened the door. She looked like she hadn't slept or bathed in days. There were dark smudges beneath her eyes, her hair was stringy, and her skin seemed sallow. She swayed a little, grasping the door frame with fingers that shook. "Pelle? What are you doing here?"

He opened his mouth to answer.

Christian's voice intruded. "Babe, I told you to let me get the door. You go rest. You need rest." The door opened wider, Christian stepping in front of Dani and half hiding her from view. "Pelle. Did you text and I missed it?" He pulled out his phone and glanced down at it.

"No." Dani looked at him like she wasn't sure he was real. "I came—"

"Huh. So, what does Mark want now," Christian asked. "I only answered him twice already. I'll get there when I get there. I've got obligations."

Dani's flinch was barely perceptible, but noticeable. She licked her lips and turned away, shuffling out of sight.

Once more, Christian shut the door without waiting for a response.

Pelle stood there, hands curling into slow tight fists. How could Christian be so clueless, so selfish, so…extremely unaware? Dani was drowning in grief and he was letting her. Every instinct in Pelle pushed him to knock again, push past Christian, and take Dani into his arms. He'd hold her, share her grief, and help her purge those strong emotions. If not for Christian, he would.

If not for Christian….

In that moment, a decision he'd been wavering on was made. He touched the door with one hand. "It will be alright, Dani. I promise," he whispered and left.

Weeks later, he tried for a third time. According to the saying, it was supposed to be a charm and was anything but. It was early and he thought he'd be able to see her before class and perhaps before Christian got there. He'd just gotten to the top of the stairs when the door opened, Christian stepping out.

Because of course, at this point, how could he not?

"We're going to be late, babe. Come on." Impatience was rife in his voice, the kind of impatience that would cut through a grieving person and make the person feel small and unworthy of attention. Turning, he saw Pelle and snorted. "What the hell does Mark want now?" His voice became a whisper as he glanced at the door and back. "I know he thinks…. I can't just drop her. She needs someone, okay?"

"Where are you going?" He approached, seeing a glimpse of Dani struggling into her shoes before the door mostly swung shut.

"Auction. It's the only way the outstanding debts can be paid. Can you believe they left her nothing? At all. The mortgage was upside down, three car payments, medical bills, all that shit. The retirement account didn't put a dent in it."

"She is destitute?"

"Yeah. That's a good word for it. She'll get whatever is left after the creditors get their share, but between you and me, there isn't going to be anything. I kind of doubt she can finish her degree without massive loans."

The door swung open, Dani stepping out.

"Hey, babe. We need to go." Christian raised his voice to normal levels.

"I'm ready." Her jacket was buttoned up wrong and he could see that she had lost weight. While she didn't look as bad as she had, she was still very much wrapped in grief. It was in her eyes, her posture, her everything. She exuded grief as a perfume.

Christian took her arm.

Pelle forced himself to stand still and not pull her from Christian into his own embrace. She didn't need handling, she needed _held_. She needed understanding, care, affection, and love. Did Christian not see it? Was he really that self-absorbed?

Dani looked at Pelle, her brows raising. "Hey. Are, um, are you going with us?"

Her hopeful expression near broke his heart. She was crying out her needs loud and clear. He took a breath to say yes, but was too late once more, Christian answering for him.

"No. Where did you get that idea? We're now officially late."

The hurt that replaced Dani's hopeful expression was like a knife to his gut. Pelle leaned against the wall and watched them go. He watched Christian half drag her to what would be one of the most painful things for her thus far: watching strangers barter for her childhood home and belongings.

She needed more than this. She needed people who would love and care for her, a new family to replace the old, one that would always support her.

As he stood there, he acknowledged that he had begun to hate Christian. He had unpleasant feelings for the other two as well, but hatred was reserved for Christian. For Mark, he felt derision and disgust at his tasteless jokes and thoughtless manner. For Josh, it was distaste at the cutthroat way he planned to get ahead. He would walk over anyone to accomplish his goals. But Christian…. Christian managed to pull pure hatred from Pelle, black stuff that felt a bit like a burning fire in him.

Burning fire.

Plan were made, Pelle stretching his acting abilities and following his instincts. He didn't try to see Dani again because he was making plans for her. Soon, all would be well for her.

He manipulated and lied, prodding Christian to pile on the guilt he obviously felt for looking at other women. The more guilt he felt, the faster he'd invite Dani on the trip. If he didn't, Pelle would figure out how to invite her, maybe make up a story about his family insisting she come too.

But it did work and Dani was coming home.

Pelle smiled to himself and to Dani, indicated the seat beside him, and began to show her pictures on his phone.

She was coming home with him. There, she would be loved, cared for, held, and would never have to feel alone ever again. The pain would fade, the pain of all of it, and she would know peace.

He couldn't wait.


End file.
